justamisfit.com

Last month I was re-introducing my self to the music of Stone Temple Pilots. I was looking them up on the internet because I was a fan of Velvet Revolver,and had been wondering if they were still touring.Come to find out that the lead singer(Scott Weiland) had left the group and rejoined on a reunion tour with STP.And that they were currently touring in this last year.I had looked up the schedule to see if maybe they would be coming to San Diego.I come to find out ,that not only was San Diego not on the tour schedule,the tour was nearly over,with only a few dates left.

Plus tickets were’nt being sold at ticketmaster.The only ones being sold were from private sellers on the internet at the last minute from venues too far away,costing too much. I was dissapointed,assuming that my chance of going to an STP concert was gone.Unless a possible future tour and album came around.Which is always up in the air with bands,especially with this lead singer.There was two dates at the end of the tour,one in L.A. and one in Las Vegas that I could of made it to.I assumed they were already sold.

I just happened a few days later to be looking on the Stone Temple Pilots web site.I was trying to see that since I could’nt go to the STP concert,that maybe I could go to one of Scott Weiland solo tour concert’s(he’s coming out with a solo album soon) next year instead.Come to find out that tickets for the last two tour dates(L.A. and Las Vegas) were going on sale to the general public on Saturday November 8 at 12pm. I bargained with Debbie to front me the money for my ticket.The ticket were $70,$80,$125. Obviously I could only afford one of the cheaper ones.I got the general admission,standing room only,$80 ticket.That section is in front of the stage,so I hope I can push my way towards the front to get a good view.

Scott Weiland is a very charismatic front man,so for that alone it’s going to be fun to watch.I’ve only been to one other rock concert years ago(The Rolling Stones) and I was in the nose bleed seats.The last concert I went to was Elton John’s 2 years ago and I was’nt anywhere close to the stage then either(Although I had alot of fun.) ,so this is cool.Although I will be squished and standing the whole time.I don’t even know how long the concert is.     So Friday January 2, 2009 at 8pm I’ll be going to a concert.Big deal for me since I hardly never ever go out.I’m excited! I’m a dork! 

(Foregot to mention,I’m going to Las Vegas date at the Pearl Concert Theatre.)

Debbie has been feeling sick for about the last two weeks or so.She (and pretty much everyboby else)had a sneaking suspicion that she was pregnant.Debbie took four different pregnancy test and they all came out positive.She has been in denial this whole time until her doctors appointment today,hoping that she has just had the flue.The doctor confirmed that she is indeed pregnant,with not just one but possibly two babies in her stomach.

Which is halarious to me because I have been joking about her having twins some day for years.Especially lately with her possibly being pregnant.It’s like a nightmare for her,she did’nt really want to be pregnant with one baby much less two at one time.After her appointment she cried,and Jason was in a state of shock.Don’t get me wrong,she does love her kids.Pregnancy is very hard on her.It is on every woman I know,but for her it’s awful.She gets very sick and looses weight instead of gaining like normal women.She’s not in the best health as it is and has a terrible back.

She’s been especially careful with her birth control.I guess when it’s meant to be…….Everything happens for a reason.Debbie can’t see that right now but she will eventually.She might have to be bed ridden for the majority of her pregnancy.And I guess I’m going to have to step it up with my contributions helping with the house hold.Although I’m not really looking forward to that,(I’m really fucking lazy) deep down I know it’s been a long time coming.These guys have been very generous with me,supporting and looking out for my well being,including me to be a part of their family.They adopted me!

Even though I know it’s going to be hell for Debbie,I can’t help but be excited.It’s a miracle to have one child much less two at a time.Incredible!People have (even with out her metioning it)been having premontions and dreams about Debbie being pregnant,and then calling her up and asking if she is.And they’ve been mentioning twins too.That’s crazy!

(President-elect Barack Obama and his family celebrate in Chicago’s Grant Park.)

Yesterday I voted for the first time in my life.I’ve never voted before because I felt my vote would’nt matter in the whole scheme of things.This time I felt compelled to.I don’t know why,maybe because this election  was so different than others in so many ways.(Especially in the diversity of the candidates who were running for office.)I really have’nt actually been watching or paying attention to the elections other than  word of mouth or the occasional glimpse of politics talk on the news.

So I pretty much don’t know what any of the candidates were really about.As it is I was never politically savy anyways. I did like Obama’s charisma and down to earth manner,especially in the way that he speaks.Honest face.I feel he will try his best to do as much as he can for our country.What I admired about McCain was his military background and service for this country .I could have voted either way and I had no preference until the end.

Even though I was a little worried about Obama’s lack of experience in foreign affairs,(which might of swayed my vote the other way for McCain.) I could’nt stand the idea of Palin being the second in comand.(She’s probably a nice woman,but does not know shit about politics for someone who is a politician.)McCain is older that the hills and in bad health.What if he were to kill over and have a heart attack.Can you imagine Palin as the President?  HELL NO! Plus the possibility that McCain might be a continuation of Bush. And we NEED CHANGE!

Obama inspires the hope of change in one way or the other.So he is who I voted for.I pray he has a productive Presidency.He has alot of political dabree to shift through from the last President. 

When he won I almost cried.It was an historic moment for our country.God Bless America!            

 ( This is Scott Weiland.Back in the day when he  first caught my attention as the lead singer for Stone Temple Pilots I thought he was hot as hell.Not as much any more,he’s kind of too skinny now,like a crack head.)

I’ve been downloading more and more music to the MP3 lately.I’ve been in a very rebelious and hard mood lately.Must be something belated from my unspent youth.Suppressed stuff! I felt trapped and suffocated then! I just wanted to be free.Free from others expectation(Especially since they did’nt even come close to meeting mine.),free from my fears,free to do and be WHAT EVER I wanted.I STILL want to be free!Free from my self imposed prison.I just want the person I was meant to be to emerge from this shell that’s been masquerading as me all my life. And the thing is I know better now.

I need strength!

I can’t help feeling resentment towards my parents for how some of my life turned out.Even though I know that they are not to blame for HOW I turned out,or what I did’nt do with my life.Ultimately it is my own fault for how my life is.My perception of the world and people has been colored alot by my own ignorance and stupidity,based on what I saw around me. I DO think that my parents should take some accountability for my environment during my formative years,and for some of the things they did and did’nt do during that time.I could of done without much of the instability,craziness,shady behavior,constant neediness and self involvement. (Admittedly, in my case when it comes to self involvement,the apple does’nt fall far from the tree.At least I have no children that will be hurt by it.)

I know nobody is perfect(Especially me!) and all parents make mistakes.I am not a mother,so I’ll never understand what it is to raise children.And it’s real easy to judge from a biased perspective.They SHOULD take accountability for certain things.I think that’s what guts me up inside the most more than anything. THEY WON’T! It’s been a long time coming,but eventually I will have to grow up and move on.Move on from my past,where I am now, and possibly from some of the people I know.

CHANGE!

I keep talking about it,but do nothing about it.There is just so much work to be done,and it feels overwhelming. Baby steps. And I’m LAAAAAAAAAZY! I have no idea who I am or what I want to be.I know what I don’t want.I land up always in the same place,getting older,aging,wasting my life away.I’m to comfortable where I am.

Back in the day my parents never let me watch or listen to anything with rock music.I don’t know if they are squares,or they just lack taste.The school I went to played rock music at lunch,and sometimes I caught a glimpse of a music video when my parents were’nt paying attention or not around.Not until I met Debbie and hung out with her did I get to listen to what I wanted to in peace. I missed out on Aerosmith,Gun’s N Roses and Nirvana at their prime,as well as other bands. I’m just now in this late stage getting acquainted with different kinds of music.

I’m fascinated by rock singers and their stage presence,charisma,magnetism. In real life they might possibly be boring,but on stage they are incredible.Maybe it’s the sex appeal or bad boy image for me(As well ass millions of other women AND some men.). Scott Weiland was one of the ones who I had a crush on.He’s a bit of David Bowie and Mick Jagger swagger.He looks like a crackhead now though!

Ya, it’s been real sore lately on my side and spine.I do’nt know what I did.I might of slept crooked or bent the wrong way.Today I did’nt do much as usual.I went to the library to check out movies,c.d.’s,and a couple of books. I lost all the music downloads from my I Pod library( I innocently deleted them and other important files because I pressed the wrong funtion. Ha,Ha!), so I’ve been trying to replace them slowly but surely by downloading them to Debbie’s MP3 that I am using.

My parents had spent the night a couple of days.They were anxious to get home and I was anxious to get rid of them(JUST KIDDING!).They had just came back from a trip on the Greyhound and they were exhausted. It was cool(They cooked dinner and babysat the kids.) to spend time with them.I love them dearly but we are on totally different pages when it comes to how we view life.Hopefully some day we can get to a place where we can accept and respect each other and our differences the way we should.

I had wrote my cousin enquiring about my concern with what she had wrote on her myspace.It turned out that it WAS exactly as I had feared.She was 13 years old visiting her aunt Steffy……it was Steffy’s boyfriend. I feel horrible for her.She hardly told anyone not even her dad.From what I get,she did’nt turn him in because she was afraid.Of what,I don’t really get.She also did’nt tell her aunt Steffy because she thought Steffy would blame her……What the hell!She better not!

It’s brought up alot of bad memories for her that she been trying to forget,but she can’t.I think it has been eating away at her.I feel kind of responcible for bringing it up in the first place.Today as Debbie was shopping with Uncle Paul(her dad) he got a message on his cell phone telling him  there is something important that she wants to tell him about a bad thing that happpened to her and that she wants to take legal action about it.Of course Uncle Paul was immediatly alarmed,fearing the worse.He correctly guessed what it possibly might be,and asked Debbie how does it sound to her(not knowing that Debbie already knows).

Debbie told him that it did’nt sound very good(she did’nt tell him what she knew,it’s up to my cousin).I think he will call her later tonight.He’s going to be devistated. He might even want to hunt that man down and kill him.He’s very protective. I’m kind of glad that she is coming out and taking action.It won’t take back what happened,but at least hopefully this man will finally have to take accountability for what he did(I HOPE!). I don’t know the stature of limitations on these things.It’s been five years.

My cousin is so sweet too! I Love her so much! And I would give my life to protect her or anyone in my family from that kind of experience.God Bless her!She’s a strong person.

Mi Familia(Some of us have red eye,especially me.) Febuary 2008

I spent most of my day in bed recuperating from my trip.My fat ass is not used to being out and about and getting excersise.Jason had the Charger game to go to,and Debbie went out shopping with Ceci and Nita for a few hours.It kind of pissed me off because Ceci left Gaby and the kids were acting up and making a mess.I was still tired and I took it out on Debbie(SORRY BITCH!) because of it.I was’nt in the mood to be policing kids.Ashley helps but she’s still a kid herself.It’s not her job to baby sit.

Lindsey wrote me back on the myspace.She was’nt offended,and told me a little bit about her horses.Mandy wrote me something too,and it was real sweet and endearing.I looking foward to her visiting.For some reason I get the feeling that she’s a little down or melencholy from some of the things she writes on the myspace.I’m a little concerned about something Debbie alerted me to,something she answered on a survey in her bulletin board with the question asking about her virginity:Do you wish you waited longer or for a differnt person? Then answering:Yes. Because i did not do it willingly. ……………………

What the hell does that mean? Hopefully it’s nothing bad.Or at least not what Debbie thought it might be.

Nina Patsy replied back to me on her e-mail the other day.She’s a good writer who writes alot.She sounds down too.I read it the night before I went on my trip.I did’nt get back to her until today because it was already late when I had read it and I had to get up early the next day.I wrote her a long letter too.She’s a kindred spirit and we bonded alot when I was staying with the Hermansons a little while back.Nina Patsy is very expressive in writing,even more so than in person.I’ve seen a whole different side of her in the last few year then I knew of her before.She is more interesting.Not that she was’nt before, just now she has more depth.

 (Me and David on the Buzz Light Year  10-10-08)

We got back from our trip a little past 10 tonight. We had a blast.On the way home we picked up some taco shop.Oh my God! We walked for hours and hours over a three day period.The first at Disneyland,the second at California Adventures,and today at Venice Beach.We walked at Venice Beach for about four or five hours. Then we left to go home.We got caught in traffic for about 2 hours too long because of construction going on around Anehiem.

I am so exhausted.I just want to sleep all day tomarrow. I’ll talk about my trip in detail in a couple of days.I’m going to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas with the kids in a little while.

A little while ago I had read a comment from my second cousin Lindsey from South Dakota.It was real sweet of her to write.I barely know her or any of my cousins in South Dakota for that matter,even Tina.I do know that they are good country folk who love horses and the simple life.Anyways, Lindsey recently added me to her friends list.For some idiotic reason,I was under the impression that it was the youngest daughter who had added me.

Apparently my dumb ass DID NOT look through her myspace properly.There was one picture with SOMEBODY.But I could’nt tell who it was.I really DON’T know them that well.It was a stupid mistake any how.And it reflected on my return comment.I had said something about how I remember when me and Adam visited years ago she was so little and how now she  looked so grown.I even asked her age. WHAT AN IDIOT! After I realized my mistake I wrote back to apologise.I hope she won’t be offended.  IDIOT!

We did’nt go to the library today,maybe on the weekend.I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning watching La Dolce Vita.It was a  typical surreal European movie.(Whatever that means!)My back is sore because I mopped today.I must have hurt my sciatic nerve washing the bath tub the other day because the side of my butt is sore too.I’m getting old!Tomarrow early in the morning we are heading out to Disneyland for a couple of days.Jason picked up David(after school) at the camp ground so he could come along.I hope the motel we are staying in is decent.Either way we’ll have fun like we Misfits always do.

  (I just added this picture because I’m so smitten with the Robster.)

Today Jason took off early from work to take the kids to Boomers.I went for the ride and to just get out for the day.We all went and ate at the Soup Plantation for lunch because me and Jason did’nt want McDonalds.Debbie really was’nt feeling it because they did’nt really have a good selection of food and they did’nt serve any meat.I kind of feel bad now because the food was expensive(what was meant to be a simple lunch,turned out to be a 40 something dollar meal.) and nobody really liked the food.I think I was the only one who ate the monies worth.

After we ate we drove to Boomers.Me,Debbie, and Baby David(He’s too young to be able to participate in the activities.) walked to a Fiction bookstore called Mysterious Galaxy.It was kind of lame because it only sold certain limited kinds of books.So we left and walked to Walmart.Debbie bought 4 movies for $20.And I got some blonde dye/bleach stuff for my hair.I’m kind of debating wiether or not I will use it,or if I should just get a hair cut instead.I’m always wanting to change my hair in some way or another.I get board!

While we were looking around ,Baby David was getting cranky and ansty.He started acting up, throwing a golf ball around the store and whining to get out of his stroller. So……. IT WAS TIME TO GO! Debbie’s feet were killing her anyway,(she wore the wrong shoes for walking around) so we left.When we got back to Boomers Debbie went to watch Jason and the kids playing.And I sat on a bench and read a book on Natalie Wood.Holy Shit! Her mother was a ruthless stage mom.

Anyways we stayed till closing.After that we went to Denny’s for dinner.Now everybody but me is in bed.I’m going to watch my movies from Blockbuster.com now.The day went by fast.Tomarrow me,Debbie and the kids might walk to the Library.Me and Debbie have things on hold.